the day after is always just damage control
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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