I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
