so explain again why im purple
no
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
