i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
