STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
