Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
