So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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