It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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