one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
