im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
