I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
