We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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