I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
