I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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