Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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