Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she peed on how many people?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
