He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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