I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
