I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
