By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
