So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
