in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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