Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
