I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
