i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
