Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
