Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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