Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He better not be in your backpack
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
