ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
