Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
