soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
