I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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