I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
