So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize