I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
