I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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