I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
