i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
