Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
