Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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