I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize