As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
