My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So many bounce houses so little time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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