I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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