my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The power of my boobs compel you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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