So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
