do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
