PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
