i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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