Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
