Cold hands, warm shart.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
