I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
