That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
