Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize