Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
