I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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