if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
