Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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