So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
