I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
