Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
