Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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