I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
