You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
