I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So apparently I’m into choking now
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