There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
